From the Book launch

Lisa won the TCV Hero Outdoor and Active Award in 2019 and has volunteered at Hollybush since the summer of 2017, you can see a short video of Lisa on https://www.tcv.org.uk/heroes
Lisa volunteered as part of the History project to collect stories and here is
Lisa Bedford and Liz Boyd with Amy-Jane Beer : transcribed from the video of the interview with Amy-Jane Beer at the book launch
Liz and Lisa are both volunteers in the garden group.
Liz
A lot of things are quite different , but they feel the same if you know what I mean, the thing about investing in people, and using funds, well you can’t use funds like you want to, you can’t these days. That can do attitude is there. Have a go, even if you feel it might be … the staff and volunteers and volunteers get to be like that, even if they aren’t at the start.
Lisa
Before I started at Hollybush I had been going to different groups for my mental health and I wasn’t getting really far and I didn’t really want to leave my flat unless I had to and I refused to go out. I didn’t like it and I had the mentality of “inside good, outside bad” and that is all it came down to.
Not so much at the minute because I have conditions and stuff, but it got to the point where I was doing six groups every week, which I enjoy. I also organise litter picks because of Hollybush
AJB so you are outside most of the time now
Lisa Yes, I’m out every day. I try to do at least 8 miles walking every day
AJB That is putting me to shame, I had a lot of time on my feet last week, made me feel I should do a bit more, so a fantastic change in your life, how long have you been at Hollybush?
Lisa About three years now, and I have loved every minute of it because it makes me feel like I’m better because before it felt like I didn’t have an identity, it felt like I was no one and through basically years of abuse and this was a place like where not only did I matter, but the fact that I could do something and I could do it wrong, not intentionally do it wrong but get it wrong and someone would say “its OK, its OK to get it wrong” and recently I got told by someone who lead groups, turned round and said “What do I do if people in my group are not doing things the way I want them to do it, and they were told ‘then you are doing your job wrong’ because it is about making mistakes and getting it right eventually and have that belief in yourself and it is OK to get it wrong sometimes and that just sticks with me.
AJB Do you recognise yourself in newer volunteers coming along, do you see people that maybe have struggled in the way you did three years ago, do you feel that there is something you can now offer them when they show up
Lisa I do, because to be honest when I first started I would not speak to anyone, I kept my hood up, I kept my head down, I was like no one else exist, no one else exists I’ll be OK if I don’t look at anyone, and I don’t talk to anyone. Now I’m greeting new members, I’m like ‘How are you, how you coping with this’ it is like if back then someone had said I’d be like this I’d be “have you lost your marbles, that is not me, please just get me out of here now” because at the beginning as soon as the group ended I’d be out of here like a shot and I had to be told, no you need to sign out so we know you’ve gone, so sometimes I’d have to be pulled back but I’d race out of there just to be safe.
AJB it is the power of smalls steps; the first step is the hardest. Once you are there each time maybe go a little further
Lisa Because I had to go along with someone the first few times, I went there I was like don’t leave me, don’t leave me alone, so it is a huge difference (now) to how I was at the beginning
AJB That’s . . , I’m feeling quite emotional , that is just a wonderful story and one that is perpetuated, and you are going to go on and do that for other people by being there and understanding the process
Lisa the thing that I think is the funniest is the fact that everywhere I’m going even if I’m in a taxi or I’m on a bus “have you heard about this place Hollybush”
Liz the thing is when you came Lisa like you might have been in a difficult place in your life, but there must have been something that made you stay, and made you come back, and that is one of the things that came out of the book, I think was, in the stories in the book that people were trying to find a place not a particular geographical place but a place in their heads or whatever where they could be comfortable and I think that for a lot of people that is Hollybush, it sort of grows on you.
Lisa I think also it is the fact that it is a place where you are not judged
Liz, Yes I think someone else mentioned that, you’re not judged, people are accepted for what they are as long as they stay within the general rules of TCV, it doesn’t matter if they are good bad or indifferent as long as they join in.
Lisa To be honest for me one of the best things about TCV was that I could be having a really bad day, because I still have them, I’m not totally .. here you go here’s this place, right you’re better now, so I still have bad days, but if I turn up having a bad day, they are like well you know what don’t do anything today, go and have a walk and enjoy the garden and have a nice sit down and have a cup of tea, here have some cake
AJB it is the cake really
Lisa it was just the fact that there was no jobs I had to do it was just a case of it was a place where I could find that almost serenity and piece and quiet and I could sit and listen to the birds, it was beautiful and I could be OK,
Liz One of the things you did when you first came was, and you still do it was to take photographs and you could do that on your own and in your own way., and without having to join in if you did not want to, And you’ve taken some wonderful photographs, and you’ve had up in the Roundhouse
Lisa There is still one up there, and each week when I go there “It is still there ! ” But that actually has given me a sense of pride as well as happiness as well
Liz I remember once, when I didn’t know you that well, and you’d put some photographs up and I said “I really like that, Lisa” and you didn’t really believe me.
Lisa It isn’t was that I didn’t believe you, but it is self-doubt
Liz You doubted that and I said I think it is a really good photograph,
AJB So what you are describing is what we now call mindfulness, it is paying attention basically, that simple act of taking time to pay attention to what is around you whether to compose a photograph or to just compose yourself in your own mind, and that is something that paying attention in nature it demands it and when you spend time doing it you come to know it in a way it becomes familiar with it and you recognise that it is somewhere where you belong. If you are challenged by the experience whether it is socially or physically that fires something in your brain as well, it is a bit like if you fall or if you are in a traffic accident and everything seems to slow down you are using all your senses and using all your understanding to make sense of the situation in a short space of time. So challenging yourself in nature is a way to get a massive hit of mindfulness in a short space of time and help you understand what is going on around you. That is something I feel like we have lost and we don’t use all our sense a lot of the time and we don’t understand what is going on around us. People giving you the time, just allowing you the time is important.
Liz I think the environment is important, I remember my first day at Hollybush and I had a quick interview and what have you and my DBS was in train , and Anne said “ you can just weed that border there and I was weeding with someone else and I was thinking ‘ I don’t think this is for me, I’ve got a garden at home that needs weeding, why am I doing this ?’ , I thought well ‘ I’ll give it another week’ I’ll come back, Gradually gradually, gradually you realise that it isn’t really what you are doing but it’s the way you are doing it and the people you are doing it with and the environment you are doing it in. In my garden at home, I’m on my own. At Hollybush I’m with other people doing things outside, because I like to be outside, so I think that is really important to me.
AJB we were talking at the beginning and you said if anyone asks you to do something else on a Wednesday then the answers ‘no’
Liz yes it has become part of my part of my life, a core part of my life,
AJB there are clearly a lot of people who feel that way about Hollybush, and I feel I now need to come and have a look. I feel I know the place somewhat from reading the book.